Your Permission Slip

What do these statements have in common? Do any sound like you?

"I've love to go to Italy but I can't."

"It drains me to go to my writing group these days. But I can't just quit."

"Oh, how I'd love to have just one hour a week for myself when my husband would take care of the baby while I go to Starbucks, have a latte, and read."

"What I'd really love to do is . . .oh, never mind, that's silly."

I've heard these and similar words from many clients. In each of these situations, it turned out the obstacle was the same: the women were telling themselves "It's not okay."

It's not okay to want what I want.

It's not okay to do what I want.

Beliefs like these get in way of creating what you truly want.

Growing Up

Most women were encouraged (or even required) at home and at school to be good little girls. Compliance and following the rules were rewarded. After all a child, a girl, a woman who knows what she wants and pursues it can be inconvenient to others!

So we learned to live by shoulds, ought tos, obligations, and to behave in ways that we hoped would please other people. We didn't learn it is okay to be clear about what WE want and go for what we want.

Getting Permission

If you are feeling confused, unclear, or stuck in discovering and creating what you deeply desire in life perhaps you, like many of my clients, simply haven't given yourself permission.

Permission to follow your lights, what you love, what energizes and enlivens you.
Permission to have a life that's more than shoulds, have to's and obligations.
Permission to put yourself, your wants, dreams, and desires on your priority list.

Creating a life you love will be much easier when you give yourself permission to do so.

The Permission Slip

If you're not already doing so, how can you begin to give yourself more permission?

Sometimes just realizing you've been holding yourself back this way is enough to free you.

Sometimes it helps to get support from someone else, someone who says "It is okay" until you can do this for yourself. I call this role, which I often play with my clients, being a "permissionary."

In the last six years, I've watched many people allow themselves to discover and do what lights them up. When they do this, they become happier, shine brighter, exude more positive energy, and contribute more. The people around them are positively impacted. And who knows how that further ripples out into the world?

I strongly believe it is okay for us to create lives we love.

If you need more reason to give yourself permission, consider this quote from the Dalai Lama:

"I believe that the very purpose in our life is to seek happiness. That is clear. Whether one believes in religion or not, whether one believes in this religion or that religion, we all are seeking something better in life. So, I think, the very motion of our life is towards happiness."

Isn't this revered, wise, and compassionate man giving us permission to create lives we love, lives that make us happy?

In Your Life

If a little more permission might help you discover and create what you truly want in life, here are some suggestions for playing with this.

When you're confused, unclear or stuck, check to see if your self-talk is some version of "It's not okay."
Find ways to give yourself permission. Perhaps by remembering that you as well as the people around you benefit when you're lights on. Maybe the Dalai Lama or another teacher's words will help. Is there someone (a friend, partner, coach) who can be your permissionary until you are more able to do this for yourself?
Start small. Give yourself permission to do little things that light you up; these may not seem quite so unacceptable. Notice what happens. Are you more lit up? Does your life work better? The results may encourage you to take further steps.

Please give yourself permission to know and do what you love so that you can be the bright and shining light in the world you are meant to be.

Enjoy!

Bonnie McFarland of La Bella Via works with women at midlife who are feeling bored, stuck, or restless and wondering what to do with the rest of their lives.

Bonnie’s e-book, What Lights You Up? Your Guide to Pleasure, Passion, and Purpose in Life, as well as Light Matters, her ezine with suggestions, tools, and inspiration for getting more of what you truly want, are both available free at www.labellavia.com.

For additional articles and more information, visit www.labellavia.com.

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